Friday, 20 May 2016
Dolphins
Saturday, 7 May 2016
Eggs-Terminate
Eggs Terminate
A play on the word exterminate in which Daleks use before attempting to destroy a target. Daleks are villains on Dr. Who TV series. Here you see a Dalek exterminating eggs of my own custom xenomorphic Alien hybrid, which looks more humanoid in appearance.. It is a loose cross over of Dr. Who and Alien, where my Alien is my own custom version of it. The Japanese text indicates that the Alien is pissed that her eggs are being eggsterminated. Its the default commic sttrip text that is in the Manga Studio side panel library.
I intended to do this bit of digital art for fun, hope it would cheer me up , get possible fans or freinds and as well as positive feedback for motivation on new work. This work had been done for satire, humour and social media interaction. I stalled and completed this work slowly since I have a lot on my mind in regards feeling like I have been abandoned by the gender treatment services, and the delaying with with further excuses in delaying my operation which has made life on this planet feel like everyday I am just scraping through not knowing that I would have a future, and the rest of my life is going to be a lot of pain and suffering. I posted the blog here:
Seriously, I am tired of the social things memes etc, and just going to continue on my sensual based work. Its what I enjoy most, and it is what helps me escape people and the attitudes of people in general. That works, this attempt has failed.
Even on devinatart at this present time, not even one favorite just proves that this idea of work is a failure, back to drawing nudes, sensual stuff... to escape from things.. else I am going to think about killing myself.
How Money, Religion, Violence effected my life.
I have decided to do this brief blog, to explain myself why these things have effected my life, how they have caused PTSD and how I react to people, when people don't understand what I am trying to say. I am going to keep this simple into the point and avoid it becoming a biography or essay, in other words TL;DR.There is a lot more , but i just select events that i can remember.
1) Money.
I dislike money and how the planet made this virtual commodity more important than life itself, the resources the planet provides , and the ecology of the planet. I had been born with both genders, had forced surgery done to me to the gender at the wishes of my parents. When i told them I wish to be the opposite to the gender of their wish, they declined on the basis of religious beliefs and the cost of having it done. When I was raped at a night club in South Africa , I went t hospital. They do not have an NHS like in UK, they have medical insurance like the USA, but call it Medical Aid. I had to call my parents who lived in another town 100kms away, so they could get the medical insurance monies sorted, and took over an hour before getting treatment, and be seen by a nurse before even thinking about getting treatment by a doctor later on in the evening. While I was waiting, people injured from street violence, muggings etc with stab wounds and gashes were waiting in the area. Because South Africa had high poverty, not many can afford medical aid/insurance. They had to produce cash or credit cards. Even so those who were mugged victims may have lost cash/credit cards in the violent incidence. They were told to wait for paying patients to get treated first , and if no more patents that had cash/credit cards/medical aid/insurance, they get treatment. Obviously they had none of these. I saw them bleed to death while I was waiting to get treatment for my rape. Their dead bodies were dragged out to the morgue. Now I am in the UK, and on the NHS, was moving forward, Now with government does cuts to NHS, I have been put aside and given excuses and have been delaying the operation, because the government believes saving money for UK's military , is more important than my life, and the lives of others.
2) Religion
As you know as above I had been born with both genders. The reason why forced surgery was done on me was because of the belief of my parents. They believed the devil caused this, and they were correcting God's creation. Throughout my childhood, I had been bombard with indoctrination about the christianity, and been through several cults and versions of it, when my parents moved from one church to another. I had been forced into a Christian school , where indoctrination did not end at home. First day at the school I got punished, by being beaten by the school staff and headmaster because I asked to many questions and did not conform. I am glad i did my thinking and analysing, and with the help of being visited by an extraterrestrial third parent I broke free from these beliefs. I would have ended up like my brother who now is a teacher of one of these schools. Though knowing what I learned from the extraterrestrial, made life more understandable and easier in some ways, but harder when when having to confront conformity everyday. My parents would often try get pastors and ministers to perform exorcisms on me, this has caused a lot of my mental problems and how I relate to people.
3) Violence.
I have encountered a lot of violence, especially in the form of punishment when I did not comply to the religious beliefs of my parents and primary school, and even the church I had been forced to attend. I had experienced violence at high-school which was not part of this christian school thing, but was a normal school. I encountered violence because of being different in many ways, with the obvious being my intersexed issues. I was seen as alien. The violence was bullying, being beaten up, and forced into smoking cigarettes, which was the alternative to being beaten up, At university , one night when accessing the computers(laptops were expensive, and tablets, smart phones did not exist at the time). I was stabbed in the leg for what little money I had, cheap mobile phone brick, and a pack of floppy disks, in a woollen pouch made by my only friend at the time who understood me on campus, where we used to meet and feed the stray cats in the evening. I had been threatened to be have being shot, because my student residence window faced an alleyway where mini bus taxi diver drug dealers, parked and cleaned their AK-47 rifles. , because their money earned by drugs was more important than my life. I told them i don't see anything., they left me alone with their threats. When riding my bike through town one night. There was a shooting between rival taxi gangs. I happened to be pass through at the wrong time, and they started firing their AK-47s at me for no reason. The bullets missed me, perhaps it is because they were too high.
1) Money.
I dislike money and how the planet made this virtual commodity more important than life itself, the resources the planet provides , and the ecology of the planet. I had been born with both genders, had forced surgery done to me to the gender at the wishes of my parents. When i told them I wish to be the opposite to the gender of their wish, they declined on the basis of religious beliefs and the cost of having it done. When I was raped at a night club in South Africa , I went t hospital. They do not have an NHS like in UK, they have medical insurance like the USA, but call it Medical Aid. I had to call my parents who lived in another town 100kms away, so they could get the medical insurance monies sorted, and took over an hour before getting treatment, and be seen by a nurse before even thinking about getting treatment by a doctor later on in the evening. While I was waiting, people injured from street violence, muggings etc with stab wounds and gashes were waiting in the area. Because South Africa had high poverty, not many can afford medical aid/insurance. They had to produce cash or credit cards. Even so those who were mugged victims may have lost cash/credit cards in the violent incidence. They were told to wait for paying patients to get treated first , and if no more patents that had cash/credit cards/medical aid/insurance, they get treatment. Obviously they had none of these. I saw them bleed to death while I was waiting to get treatment for my rape. Their dead bodies were dragged out to the morgue. Now I am in the UK, and on the NHS, was moving forward, Now with government does cuts to NHS, I have been put aside and given excuses and have been delaying the operation, because the government believes saving money for UK's military , is more important than my life, and the lives of others.
2) Religion
As you know as above I had been born with both genders. The reason why forced surgery was done on me was because of the belief of my parents. They believed the devil caused this, and they were correcting God's creation. Throughout my childhood, I had been bombard with indoctrination about the christianity, and been through several cults and versions of it, when my parents moved from one church to another. I had been forced into a Christian school , where indoctrination did not end at home. First day at the school I got punished, by being beaten by the school staff and headmaster because I asked to many questions and did not conform. I am glad i did my thinking and analysing, and with the help of being visited by an extraterrestrial third parent I broke free from these beliefs. I would have ended up like my brother who now is a teacher of one of these schools. Though knowing what I learned from the extraterrestrial, made life more understandable and easier in some ways, but harder when when having to confront conformity everyday. My parents would often try get pastors and ministers to perform exorcisms on me, this has caused a lot of my mental problems and how I relate to people.
3) Violence.
I have encountered a lot of violence, especially in the form of punishment when I did not comply to the religious beliefs of my parents and primary school, and even the church I had been forced to attend. I had experienced violence at high-school which was not part of this christian school thing, but was a normal school. I encountered violence because of being different in many ways, with the obvious being my intersexed issues. I was seen as alien. The violence was bullying, being beaten up, and forced into smoking cigarettes, which was the alternative to being beaten up, At university , one night when accessing the computers(laptops were expensive, and tablets, smart phones did not exist at the time). I was stabbed in the leg for what little money I had, cheap mobile phone brick, and a pack of floppy disks, in a woollen pouch made by my only friend at the time who understood me on campus, where we used to meet and feed the stray cats in the evening. I had been threatened to be have being shot, because my student residence window faced an alleyway where mini bus taxi diver drug dealers, parked and cleaned their AK-47 rifles. , because their money earned by drugs was more important than my life. I told them i don't see anything., they left me alone with their threats. When riding my bike through town one night. There was a shooting between rival taxi gangs. I happened to be pass through at the wrong time, and they started firing their AK-47s at me for no reason. The bullets missed me, perhaps it is because they were too high.
Tuesday, 3 May 2016
Increase in UK Military air patrols = Decrease in my personal UFO/ET visits
One of the main reasons why I have had a major reduction in ET/UFO visits, is that the Airforce is on alert to any aircraft that appears to be unknown, as you see in this article , where the title is not Sonic booms heard in Yorkshire as Typhoons are scrambled | UK news | The Guardian but RAF Typhoon fighters scrambled to intercept Air France jet over Yorkshir
http://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2016/may/03/sonic-booms-heard-in-yorkshire-as-quick-alert-typhoons-are-scrambled
The military is getting more money to keep up patrols from the council tax, via CAPITA. Don't agree , then ask yourselves why the sunderland police station has been reduced to a copshop, firestation is on the verge of closing, The Art Studio I do art, is on the verge of closing. I am threatened from being banned to have my gender operation because of my smoking addiction. and the whole list of cuts go right through the UK. All these cuts happened the same time when the sick, disabled, and unemployed were forced into paying council tax which they never did in the past. It is the same time when it was privatised by CAPITA.They increased the council tax fee, and yet why have not people noticed that an increased fee would not allow the closure of public services ? Are people so blind and stupid , that they don't even notice a penny drop from under their noses , and so complaint that everything is carrying on as normal , that if I should bring up the topic they call out the bullshit card while being backed up by their own ignorance to what is really going on ? Obama came to the UK. Everyone assumes it was about the vote/debate on Brexit (leaving/staying in the EU and trades with the USA. If you heard and seen between the lines of his political gassing and bullcrap, you would discover that he wants UK to focus more of its money and resources on defence, and the military. Obama wants the UK to follow suit in having an estimate of 3/4's of the tax money to sponsor arms, weapons and military , instead of half which nobody knows about because much of the information to where the money is going in the UK is censored , hidden and covered up with lies and corruption.
http://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2016/may/03/sonic-booms-heard-in-yorkshire-as-quick-alert-typhoons-are-scrambled
The military is getting more money to keep up patrols from the council tax, via CAPITA. Don't agree , then ask yourselves why the sunderland police station has been reduced to a copshop, firestation is on the verge of closing, The Art Studio I do art, is on the verge of closing. I am threatened from being banned to have my gender operation because of my smoking addiction. and the whole list of cuts go right through the UK. All these cuts happened the same time when the sick, disabled, and unemployed were forced into paying council tax which they never did in the past. It is the same time when it was privatised by CAPITA.They increased the council tax fee, and yet why have not people noticed that an increased fee would not allow the closure of public services ? Are people so blind and stupid , that they don't even notice a penny drop from under their noses , and so complaint that everything is carrying on as normal , that if I should bring up the topic they call out the bullshit card while being backed up by their own ignorance to what is really going on ? Obama came to the UK. Everyone assumes it was about the vote/debate on Brexit (leaving/staying in the EU and trades with the USA. If you heard and seen between the lines of his political gassing and bullcrap, you would discover that he wants UK to focus more of its money and resources on defence, and the military. Obama wants the UK to follow suit in having an estimate of 3/4's of the tax money to sponsor arms, weapons and military , instead of half which nobody knows about because much of the information to where the money is going in the UK is censored , hidden and covered up with lies and corruption.
Thursday, 21 April 2016
Reply to article about banning surgery for people who have obese or smoking problems
I tried to use the form on your page https://reportuk.org/2016/04/22/surgery-ban-for-obese-patients-wrong/
It did not work.
I have been waiting to have gender reassignment surgery, and I have not even put on a waiting list , since i am still waiting to be put on a waiting list. I suffer from PTSD from childhood due to the way I was born, and my parents got a doctor to perform forced surgery on me, a mnth after I had been born. They were extremely religious, and did not realize they were abusing me because they believed they were doing the right thing before God, which I don't believe exists. Not only that my PTSD was caused by my parents, it had been created by being bullied at school by teachers, school staff, sports staff, other pupils.
I had been bullied into the habit of smoking just to be accepted, and being around in the second hand smoke of my father, when he smoked, was like petroleum to a fire that made the addiction to nicotine intense. Smoking became something I relied on to cope with the problems and several suicide tendencies . I had also been raped when I was a student in South Africa, and later on TV there, I found that my rapist moved to the United States and got caught , since he ended up being a serial killer.
With the government making cuts here , there and everywhere it has made my life a lot more stressful , and difficult to cope that smoking is a way to chill-out and distract my mind from the problems so I can , focus and meditate and work on my artwork, which makes me escape from this hellish life I live in.
Recently I had my appointment with the gender specialist who kept on making excuses to delay me from having an operation or even be put on a waiting list for one. First excuse was about my PTSD and its causes in the deterioration of my mental health, failing to inderstand that the gender issue has been the foundation of the trauma all along. When they sort “understood” after I went through a suicidal attempt after delaying me from further appointments , there next excuse was my weight. I had put on a bit of weight , being a little over weight, but was never obese. I took up body boarding as a it’s the only exercise I can do because I have a bad back, as I would only dream to surf, and I cant run, walk very far, or cycle. I cant do swimming in the public pool because the time limit restriction would cause my mental health problems caused by my PTSD to tick, which would get me into trouble where they might call the police, to evict me from the swimming pool. I don’t want that. I had started to loose weight and was ambitious that I can finally move forward to have the operation done, so I can focus on other thing in my life, the last excuse was my smoking problem. I have bad back because I broke it in a suicidal attempt back in 2001 by jumping out of the third story window of my parent’s house, because of the gender issues and they rejected my letter I wrote to them to stop the secret about what they did to me.
This is the hardest one, and I feel I have reached a dead end and had been refused surgery until I quit. I never have been given the help I need to help me quit. This last rejection had brought my wellbeing right down, that I don’t do much anymore, I stall in my artwork, taking it slower than usually. I have more suicidal thoughts I have to fight everyday. I I have reached the point of breaking down , since I do not have any hope for moving on in my life. I know I will have more willpower to quit smoking once I have had my gender surgery, because that is the foundation stone of trauma that caused the smoking in the first place. I feel like I am living in a Limbo counting the years of my life going by , without having a life of my own to be my true self. Almost every day is like living in hell, some days in my life have made up for the loss of years in my life, but they are very short lived, like meeting like minded friends in London, getting praised about my artwork at the studio I do my work in, which is also on the verge of closing because of these cuts. I feel every opportunity to have a life being taken away from me, where I end up smoking more.
I am not sure what to do, I take every day as it comes, and anymore stress, hassle and rejection, intimidation, bullying in real life , where people take away my hope of having a future, what is left of what is left of it away fro me, I will one day never survive the thoughts of attempting suicide or even a successful suicidal attempt.
I need help to get this big obstacle in my life sorted which would make my other burdens such as the smoking habit easer to tackle, and that is the gender surgery.
I hope I get heard, thank you if you are listening.
Saturday, 19 March 2016
What Did We Bio-engineer ?
3D Rendered work for next oil painting, which I am going to use as a reference for.
An extraterrestrial, in her small spaceship who is part of the people who bioengineered life on this planet is holding her head down in sadness as Earth humanity start bombing each other in a WW3. She is wondering if the creation of human species is a failure as the bombs go off, as she drops the model/toy/ Earth squeeze ball, with her cat coming up to her sensing she is distressed, including the robot trying to say that she can start all over again or pick up survivors of earth people who refused to be part of this madness.
An extraterrestrial, in her small spaceship who is part of the people who bioengineered life on this planet is holding her head down in sadness as Earth humanity start bombing each other in a WW3. She is wondering if the creation of human species is a failure as the bombs go off, as she drops the model/toy/ Earth squeeze ball, with her cat coming up to her sensing she is distressed, including the robot trying to say that she can start all over again or pick up survivors of earth people who refused to be part of this madness.
Tuesday, 8 March 2016
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)