Synergies of Diversity

Synergies of Diversity

Oils on canvas

Danielle C lamb 01/12/2014

Continuing the idea idea of extraterrestrials mislabeled as deities, They came down in ancient times in flying Vimanas , where they have the consciousness and intelligence to create an artistic paradise, with technology coexisting with nature, utilizing light as a source of all matter, utilizing sound and meditation with togetherness and diversity.

Bandannas and Bang Bangs

Bandannas and Bang Bangs

ISIS, IL, I Suck whatever are nothing but,

Idiots running around with Bandannas and Bang Bangs

Manufactured by the CIA,

Fucktards created for religious freedom

All in aid to combat communism

Bandannas and Bang Bangs

ISIS IS IL I Suck whatever

Are a manufactured spoil

They are in it for all the oil.

Bandannas and Bang Bangs

ISIS IS , I Suck whatever

Fueld by religion and batshit

Created by CIA, get the fuck away.

They would behead you

They would butcher you

They would eat you,

For you are Halaaal meat.

Bandannas and Bang Bangs

ISIS , IL, I Suck whatever

A freemasonry master plan

For Gold Oil and Drugs they trust.

A product of the military industrial complex.

By Allah Fuckbar , shit of the Cali-fuck.

ISIS, IS, IL I fuckwhatever… enjoy my urban mantra.

Things don't get any better

Today , while working, I have managed to start off with starting to work on the figures, background is more or less complete, and just needs final touch on the added plants details by adding more shadow to enhance realism.

So after I had done this I had spent the day waiting for the paint to dry while trying to decide on what digital art to start off with. I cant really think clear on what to start off with , with mixed feelings or excitement and anxiety about my holiday trip, getting away from Sunderland for a few days, escape winter to the south of the planet and spend a month in summer while its the middle of winter here. It is going going back to spend a holiday at my parent's on their expense, since they paid for the long haul flight down. I am also dreading the airports. I hate airports, borders , boundaries, customs etc etc, then sitting on a tin can with wings with primitive fossil fuel jet engines for 12 hours.  I would be having my neighbour look after my kitty, since I have all his food, and litter bought in bulk, and if anything is short of supply and things run out he should phone me, through my land line. I am nervous as well on what may or may not happen with the relationship of my parents and in the past. As I forgive them, since they never knew what they were doing because of their belief in a god that actually does not exist. They said it might be the last time the family would get together, due to serious changes in South Africa, all what they told me , is that the town is falling to bits, the roads are dug out, electrical cables have been pulled out of the ground, and there are regular power failures, and I would have to drink water from Jo Jo , (the tank where rain water is collected).  Fortunately my macbook has 9 hours battery life, so I can still do things offline, such as my art, create music, watch movies... but gaming would require to be plugged in since battery time would be reduced to four hours, since the fan kicks in for the graphics and CPU, and windows 7 in bootcamp is less conservative than OSX Mavericks with power.. (Yosemite is said to be just as bad).  I won't be online that time, but when I do go online it would be for paying my bills in the UK, checking up on the cat via webcam occasionally, and downloading emails, cleaning spam, and  replying personal emails. I am also assuming that Anannaniah might be making a final attempt of contact in this possibly last family reunion, which I don't think would be successful , and suspect she would only make appearances by hovering around the house and heading back off in the stars. She may not even come, knowing that her last visit , she did not feel welcomed by fear.

As you know recently I have been having issues with the decline of medical support based on the political cuts against NHS with this austerity bullshit , and the assumption that I have been improving a bit with handling psychological issues. Truth is they only taught me to hold in my feelings more, avoid people, and show people where I stand, if there is an issue. This has caused some issues, which might trigger off something like I had when I had a brake down in 2011, which lead me to get banned from a website, around the hoo haaah of an artist who I had admired as she had done intsresexed characters, and how I thought about them and my personal issues , and thought this artist would be someone that would relate to me or get advice etc etc etc... the whole thing went shit, I got banned , overdosed pills , went to hospital , peed blood, and had one traumatic thing after the next... which lead me being placed in limbo with the gender treatment.  When things got right there was some progress, but somehow with the political cuts, it has slowed down and I still don't know when the surgery would be done.

I have come a long away from how down I was since then, and I have improved, but I am more sensitive and try to take extra precaution to avoid a situation, knowing my PTSD would fuck things up very easily., and my personally shits and changes like the tides. Having Nariahn, my cat has been a great help as well, and including moving across the road and upstairs where days I would rather suffer from back pains going up the stairs, than having people bang on my windows, staring in my windows, or trying to force open the windows, while I am inside.

Well here has been a withdrawal of most of my doctors, but what has made me uncertain was hearing s being discharged from my CPN nurse. She has helped me with day to day things, and still was trying to set up a shower in the bathroom, because I find it difficult and painful to bath, and I can never get my hair cleaned properly. Also she has been a help to try and link communication between my GP and the gender doctor , in trying to get things working for me again. If it was not for my CPN, I would not be having appointments, also having her has also prevented my medical records from being hacked into and edited by the private corporations who wish to take over the NHS such as Capita, Serco , G4S etc...

Fortunately The Art Studio had seen the decline and relapse  and would be helping me with this before it would get worse...

At the moment I am feeling drained,  nauseous, stunned and could not careless to stop for traffic when crossing the road...

Update and A few thoughts

Anyway I am sharing a few thoughts, yes I am going on holiday. My thoughts is about people. I simply don’t understand them, and why they would make an issue on the basis that I am different than the norm n many cases. To be honest what I have been through in the past, I find it very difficult to get on with people… It confuses me that they at first claim to be friends and then leave, in social media the same shit. Subscrive/Follow, and then unsubscribe/unfollow for no particular reason.

For some unknown reason they expect me to visit them all the time (IRL people), but they never show up at my place. WTF are they afraid that they would be trapped in my alien lair or something ? The same thing with my relatives here. They always expected me to visit, but they never , not once even visited my place for a cup of tea. This why I am just fed up with people. Been ostracised for being different, bullied at school, banned from websites, the list goes on. Even the way I feel about people , and the fear of being hurt , I have developed the point not to get to close or develop a friendship on fear of being hurt and rejected. The more I feel upset about life in general , the more I shy away from people, in fear that what I may speak out my mind something  might come out the wrong way. 

Then there is the belief bit, because I do not believe in a god aka atheist, and understand it does not exist from analysing life , events details, evidence , including extraterrestrial sources…. the whole reality of it all is that god is a made up delusion invented by people , because they dismissed the questions , and thrown them into the god box. Then this gets exploited by the religio political elite to control people as commodities. I don’t know, living on this planet is one fucking nightmare. 

Then whats is worse when I openly share my experiences, and what I understand about life the universe and everything…. I simply know, because I felt, touched , seen and something that is physically real, such as someone from another solar system. Then also looking and understanding and thinking about things, rather than blindly accepting something….. they get classified as “my beliefs” wtf… they are not my beliefs, because the idea of faith is not involved, I did not accepted just because blah blah blah. I simply know and understand because of what I have experience , and what I can relate to with comparing similar real things. Its like trying to tell someone in the middle ages that the planet is a sphere and not  flat like a piece of cardboard.  

Thats my rant for the moment, and I am better at doing what I do best , that is working on my art …. if people don’t love me, I am sure some people love and appreciate my work, not all unfortunately because life is shit and it isn’t a bed of roses and neither its a utopia like the majority of the galaxy… basically planet earth is nothing but a shithole created by assholes, where it could have been a utopia. I simply wish my life was not so shit and a fucking failure…. having to try and live through the bullshit people done to me since the time I had been mutilated a month after I had been born….. then people religious , judicial or political, throw obstacles and hurdles , to prevent me from getting almost close as fixing things… Austerity, NHS cuts, Street Preachers annoying me, Muslim men intimidating me and the list goes on…

If I was left alone , maybe things would have been better… 
I know for sure I would have been happier , because my body would not feel vandalised, exploited  because people believed god exists ,and what they did to me , made them right with god, by believing they fixing mess what the devil did with the fallen angels… yes they believe the extraterrestrials are fucking fallen angels… depressing when the same shit is flooding youtube…..

Leaving my parents did not escape me from the batshit …. its here there and everywhere….. and on youtube, just search extraterrestrials …. you see it, some of them go as far to believe airplanes and helicopters have pig demons.

Alien Xenomorph human sexy hybrid thing

Alien Xenomorph-human sexy hybrid thing, was going to include some face huggers, but just left it as it is. Alien is the type of beings/creatures/characters from the Alien Franchise, they are also called Xenomorphs and nicknamed "Bugs" as in "bug hunt" by military such as the colonial marines, and as serpents by the Predators in Aliens Vs predators probably because they have tails in all metamorphosis life cycles of this science fiction species, especially as the chest burster looks like an emerging snake or worm, but later becomes a Xenomorph .  Inspired doing this while playing Alien Isolation, a recent difficult survival - horror science fiction first person stealth game, where the objective is to dodge the Alien rather than a first person shooter like Colonial Marines or Aliens Vs Predators, and the sequal from Alien as Ripley's daughter, before Aliens(Alien 2, and Colonial Marines, which is a sequal to Alien 3 , where Ripley and Newt (rescued girl) crash land on a prison planet full of men).  In all Alien VS predators PC versions, you get to play as the Xenomorph, AVP 2 is the best because you get to play in the life cycle, from hatched face hugger , chest burster, and mosty a xenomorph into a new Queen. The recent AVP 3 the best character to play is the Predator, and lacks the design and feel from AVP2 in AVP3 as the Xenomorph "Number 6". I also have the android AVP version, which is played in a 3rd person mode, but you don't get to play as a human/marine. Game crashed in Jelly Bean version of Android, but when I updated to Kit-Kat , the game is stable. 

Zero-G and Tacticle Tentacles

I was hoping to finish this sooner to start some Haloween art. I dont know why i did not go extreme with this when I could.. I am an idiot to try and get through these mental blockages.

But what is more fun than being in zero G and interfacing with the ship's tentacles at the edge of the galaxy ?

Diwali The Essence of the Photon in DNA

Over the clouds and far far away

Title sounds lame, could not find a title for it, tried a few new techniques to give it a more smoother look.Finished this while being stoned with the flue…

My Life stuck in a Limbo several times...

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Sunderland Minster

Sunderland Minster

Orbital Orientation

I let the art describe the description.

Earth people are all the same

Growing up with abusive parents , who found nothing right about my art, that it was always demonic and evil, because of the use of symbols and exotic extraterrestrial characters. When i left , I thought society was better outside the premises of the home i lived in, outside the town, and outside the country.... but nope the grass is not greener on other other side, every day I have to face this bullshit. As if people enjoy and get pleasure of making me upset.... in the past I used to shed a lot of tears... now I use the word fuck a lot just to try and get rid of the pain and suffering, to deal with it and to defend myself...  yes deep down inside I am depressed and hurting.... but my face is dry, the tear ducts are empty and only gush when things get too much.

being born intersexed and having to live through life is challenging on its own, but all the other crap I have to deal with as well including the misinterpretation of my artwork and then the rejection from ignorance.

Intimate Contact

Intimate Contact.

Decided that it is complete, though I could have worked more on it, but left it encase I over work it and ruin it (like I have done with some of my work in the past).  Basically it contains the symbols of contact with extraterrestrials, as well as the basics of matter and energy, that they can't exist without each other. Then a beautiful space scape in the viewport of the space craft behind these intimate sensual beings, illustrating the vastness of space and how regular inhabitable planets are. Then looking at these beautiful beings, the left is an Asari which exists in the Mass Effect universe, the middle figure is a hermaphrodite space elf, that exists in my universe, and the right is a hybrid of the two ideas.
Done with Manga Studio, Photoshop on PC and Mac and Paint Shop Pro on PC (for glow ethereal effects… hoping one day I figure out how to do it in Photoshop).

People.

People.
I don’t know what it is I would never understand people.
They don’t know it is people would never understand me.
Forever the alien, the unspeakable, the freak.
The hermaphrodite, the abnormality, the disorder, the etc.

Rejection, banning, discrimination and taunting, 
In synch with the pains of my monthly periods
The hypocrisy, the jealousy the lack of love and intimacy.
Makes no sense, and increases the insanity.

Violence, war, hate, anger, distress, trauma anxiety
This all what I experience in contact with Earth People.

Oh yeah, I have every right to say
“I don’t want your fucking wars, Fuck the Wars”
As war is worse than “dirty” word…
To ban me for the F word , shows you support war,
I was protesting in disgust against,  

War is something to be banned, deleted and removed…
Not me…

Oriental Extraterrestrial

Oriental Extraterrestrial, oil painting version with silver and gold acrylic paint for their jewellery and the highlights and planet effects.
This may be displayed in the Oriental Museum in Durham in 2015,unless if I am successful with a better art piece.

Disorders of Sex Development

When will the predudism end ?

I am sick and tired of them throwing lables

Classification and diagnosis terms about what I am,

Never consulting me or others like me.

In the past I had frowned on being called Hermaphrodite,

I did not mind being called Intersexed,

Now I see nothing wrong of being called a Herm

I just began take pride of being different.

Since being called a disorder makes me die inside,

The bellowing depressive drone  of

“Disorders of Sex Development”

The shit scientific equivalent being born with sin.

The reason why I trashed religion.

The term reflects the trauma, pain and suffering

Parents believing that the devil is the cause of it.

They felt the need to correct with forced surgery.

Ruining my life with their gender bigotry.

Post traumatic Stress Disorder, Is a disorder I suffer from,

From idiots who see me as an abnormality.

Science should not follow the mistakes of Religion

Especially when decisions are made

I have no voice in their retarded opinion.

I am seen as the subject of indiscretion

In the face of intolerant inquisition.

Awaiting

After punching some data into the computer, she awaits to be picked up by the craft to the next planet in her search and research. Done in Manga Studio and Photoshop on Mac(s)

Dog Painted on cardboard

Dog painted on cardboard

Personal Update

Personal update: So far things now started moving forward again with my gender issues with medical help... I just hope it continues in the future and the change in politics does not fuck up my life again.

Infinite Entanglement

One of my latest of the tailed rainbow space elf series , done with oils on canvas.

Battles, Depression and Intersex Issues

I find it hard to live life and being myself in society without situations, people and the way society is and responds to my situation mostly unhelpful. I am quite surprised that I made it this far , and I am like my cat with 9 lives, well less one for my cat after falling off the balcony down three stories while he was sleeping.

Art has been one of the things that help me cope and distract myself from these problems that I have to face with every time I have to wake up in the morning to. I did think that moving from a less tolerant small town in South Africa to a city in the United Kingdom would give me a chance hoping society would be more tolerant and accepting. Sadly this has not been the case.  Well, there are more benefits compared to being isolated and locked up in a bedroom, in a small town of people who are predominately religious and supported the abuse I got from my parents while growing up while discovering my gender with conspiracies that eventually came out as truth. The past has given PTSD that cannot be shaken off like water off a ducks back. It has made me adopt bad habits that ruin my health just for comfort, as well as the difficulty of socializing. Then the physical issues which grow worse slowly every year with the injury of having had broken back, which only increases my disability and wellbeing on a timely basis but also makes it difficult to spread my wings and take flight.

When having the full disclosure of what happened to me a month after I had been born, and expressing myself in society, thinking it would elevate my happiness, did quite the opposite. It has made me weary and unsecure when facing people, that I tend to keep more to myself than look for friendships and relationships.  Often you would think people who has had a similar situation, such as being intersexed and facing a brick wall in life when it comes to tolerance, treatment and just living life, there may be a potential friendship, even when there may be disagreements on other topics other than sharing a common issue . This has not been the case, and those attempts which have been successful always have been interrupted by other people who influenced them to roll out rejection and thinning the bridge of understanding and tolerance, where instead of being friends you end up thinking and wishing them well for the future and that they would be successful in their lives.

I just wish life itself was not a continuous battle and a struggle against odds of just being who you are and from flourishing. Society is terribly structured around competition, bigotry and bureaucracy where there is very little room for coexistence.  To get the help you need for example from the NHS extends to the PTSD with long waiting lists and examinations which I have to put in the background as the years of my life fade away. Creativity and art have been the things I could only keep myself busy on because the majority of things in life I find boring and depressing especially when it is monotonous and mundane.  Then having the odd unusual experience does add a bit of excitement, but more often are very disappointing and lame, when it ends up not what you wish for.  The very few friends I have even when I have made the big move our years ago, are distant and out of reach not because I am locked in a room , but this other barrier or prison is a transport issue heavily dependent on the monetary system structure of this planet. Fortunately it is not all bleak being able to work at an art studio has just helped me manage to cruise and survive emotionally up to this point, as well develop my art skills where I had not been rejected on the basis of so called talent but because I did not have the money to afford to learn things at a university. Most things in life I had experienced were rejections, and because of this I worry that the current and fears of future politics such as if the Conservatives or especially UKIP effecting the NHS to reject me in the whole idea of cutting costs, which would be no different to what Intersexed and Transgender people experience in South Africa, would greatly impact my wellbeing and ability to cope. Having a cat too has been a good thing, Nariahn distracts from thinking too much about these things inbetween art projects when this nonsense affects my mind on thinking on what art to do next.

Boots

Life still life painting exersize

Oriental Extraterrestrial

Oriental Extraterrestrial , ideas for Oriental Exhibit, have not got a name for it yet, but it describes on the line of Ancient Astronaut Theory, where in religious text, extraterrestrials were misinterpreted into gods.

collective depression

Churning feelings of rejection
For mentioning a different opinion
Frustrated about this planet’s desire to hold on
On antiquated forms of energy,
Poisoning the air, the water, and the soil.
Radiation consuming everything,
Fossil Fuels polluting the air and oceans.
Toxic waste, depression states
Why would no body explain or make sense?
Why the huge sun this planet orbits,
Cannot provide free and abundant energy for all ?

The worst of it is when you painted with lunacy
When you mention the suppressed technology,
The religio political elite have made it personal
When they actually convince a friend I care and think of
In the almost same gender intersexed predicament 
To throw in the rejection card , regardless of my admiration,
I can only think back to the greatest intventor
Who was more than just a shit artist like myself.
Nikola Tesla that we live in a sea of energy.

He is right when you understand energy
It’s the motion and vibration of substance 
That gives shape to all matter and form.
Energy cannot be created nor destroyed,
But it has potential, when concentrated as one.

I am just fed up with people, this planet and everything
Sick of it all, and the thoughts of ending my life
Seems to feel comforting when confronting the future.
A future the religio-political elites have created 
Just to value money over people’s lives and the planet

I do not wish to continue if life is just going to be a battle
Where pain and suffering just happens to live.
A month after I was born, I can consider myself dead
Intersexed gender mutilation, without my consent 
If I knew my life growing up, and living it to now was this shit
I would have ended it, with the very scalpel that made my life hell.

Plant Of Light

painted using paper straws, fingers and food colouring.

Wet Intimate Tendancies

I have not let my hair down for a while going into the more explicit direction, which I feel happier at best doing, while drawing and having a high of endorphins with psytrance playing loud, trying not to hallucinate but kep in focus on the work is an euphoric feeling. There are a few "esterggs" in the way the bodies are posotioned, the planets which reveal the working secrets of the universe and space travel, and that surreal like sliced apple effect of the view port window.

Infinite Intimacy version 3

Third version of 3D Manipulation art to be a reference for my next oil painting, as well as a new desktop wallpaper for my computer, yes its been a while since I done one of these. Very a great exersize to to stretch the imagination using defualt 3D models and manipulate them, It works perfectly while playing psytrance in the background..

Infinite Intimacy version 2

Second version of 3D Manipulation art to be a reference for my next oil painting, as well as a new desktop wallpaper for my computer, yes its been a while since I done one of these. Very a great exersize to to stretch the imagination using defualt 3D models and manipulate them, It works perfectly while playing psytrance in the background..

Infinite Intimacy

3D Manipulation art to be a reference for my next oil painting, as well as a new desktop wallpaper for my computer, yes its been a while since I done one of these. Very a great exersize to to stretch the imagination using defualt 3D models and manipulate them, It works perfectly while playing psytrance in the background..

Live Art Drawing

The Art Studio http://theartstudiosunderland.blogspot.co.uk/  has been doing drawing workshops so that people can learn tips and techniques in improving one's drawing skills. This is one of my best works from last weekend's workshop where we had to do quick live drawing as practice in pen only, the model is Jo Howell http://maverickartinflux.blogspot.co.uk/

I am tired of people , just wish to kill myself or leave the planet...

All I do is create art, and share it... then some people come along and just make my life miserable...

My google+ account had been suspended because of my art, because I am different, I was born different...I get enouph shit to do in real life. It feels like people are trying to bury me all the time.

Memories lost

part of the old Sunderland art studio had been demolished, the part where I had painted my first painting .... well I am not to cut up about my first job at the pub, the "Porterfeild" which got renamed as Duffy's and then demolished into a car park where I had my first job , but was also the first place where my Cousin held my first welcoming birthday in the UK.  It is depressing to find that the places I had been to and their history removed... as if they had been censored.

This is what the old art studio looked like, which was 3/4s the size of the new building, and was nicknamed the Tardis, because it was bigger on the inside, that what it appears on the outside and was painted blue, and there was a random life sized darlek inside you were lucky if you found it .. but the obvious find was the hanging shark, and the huge wooden bear sculpture, and then the Michele Jackson sculpture/mannequin :p . I worked on the second story , and my space was the centered window.

My first painting, was the face portrait of Anananiah.

And now....

Zero G

A bubble-headed extraterrestrial exploring space for 5 minutes outside the bio engineered mechanorganic spacecraft in orbit of an asteroid field ring around a inhabited lush with life planet nearby a moon city. The energy field bubble can only contain air for 5 minutes, but longer on foreign atmospheric planets, since it collects and filters the right gases.

Asari Portrait Oils on Canvas

Asari Portrait Oils on Canvas

The Arrival 3

The Arrival 3
Monotype print

Asari Lovers

Asari lovers, enjoying an intimate moment on a sunset of Thessia
Asari are Mass Effect beings.