Bandannas and Bang Bangs

Bandannas and Bang Bangs

ISIS, IL, I Suck whatever are nothing but,

Idiots running around with Bandannas and Bang Bangs

Manufactured by the CIA,

Fucktards created for religious freedom

All in aid to combat communism

Bandannas and Bang Bangs

ISIS IS IL I Suck whatever

Are a manufactured spoil

They are in it for all the oil.

Bandannas and Bang Bangs

ISIS IS , I Suck whatever

Fueld by religion and batshit

Created by CIA, get the fuck away.

They would behead you

They would butcher you

They would eat you,

For you are Halaaal meat.

Bandannas and Bang Bangs

ISIS , IL, I Suck whatever

A freemasonry master plan

For Gold Oil and Drugs they trust.

A product of the military industrial complex.

By Allah Fuckbar , shit of the Cali-fuck.

ISIS, IS, IL I fuckwhatever… enjoy my urban mantra.

Things don't get any better

Today , while working, I have managed to start off with starting to work on the figures, background is more or less complete, and just needs final touch on the added plants details by adding more shadow to enhance realism.

So after I had done this I had spent the day waiting for the paint to dry while trying to decide on what digital art to start off with. I cant really think clear on what to start off with , with mixed feelings or excitement and anxiety about my holiday trip, getting away from Sunderland for a few days, escape winter to the south of the planet and spend a month in summer while its the middle of winter here. It is going going back to spend a holiday at my parent's on their expense, since they paid for the long haul flight down. I am also dreading the airports. I hate airports, borders , boundaries, customs etc etc, then sitting on a tin can with wings with primitive fossil fuel jet engines for 12 hours.  I would be having my neighbour look after my kitty, since I have all his food, and litter bought in bulk, and if anything is short of supply and things run out he should phone me, through my land line. I am nervous as well on what may or may not happen with the relationship of my parents and in the past. As I forgive them, since they never knew what they were doing because of their belief in a god that actually does not exist. They said it might be the last time the family would get together, due to serious changes in South Africa, all what they told me , is that the town is falling to bits, the roads are dug out, electrical cables have been pulled out of the ground, and there are regular power failures, and I would have to drink water from Jo Jo , (the tank where rain water is collected).  Fortunately my macbook has 9 hours battery life, so I can still do things offline, such as my art, create music, watch movies... but gaming would require to be plugged in since battery time would be reduced to four hours, since the fan kicks in for the graphics and CPU, and windows 7 in bootcamp is less conservative than OSX Mavericks with power.. (Yosemite is said to be just as bad).  I won't be online that time, but when I do go online it would be for paying my bills in the UK, checking up on the cat via webcam occasionally, and downloading emails, cleaning spam, and  replying personal emails. I am also assuming that Anannaniah might be making a final attempt of contact in this possibly last family reunion, which I don't think would be successful , and suspect she would only make appearances by hovering around the house and heading back off in the stars. She may not even come, knowing that her last visit , she did not feel welcomed by fear.

As you know recently I have been having issues with the decline of medical support based on the political cuts against NHS with this austerity bullshit , and the assumption that I have been improving a bit with handling psychological issues. Truth is they only taught me to hold in my feelings more, avoid people, and show people where I stand, if there is an issue. This has caused some issues, which might trigger off something like I had when I had a brake down in 2011, which lead me to get banned from a website, around the hoo haaah of an artist who I had admired as she had done intsresexed characters, and how I thought about them and my personal issues , and thought this artist would be someone that would relate to me or get advice etc etc etc... the whole thing went shit, I got banned , overdosed pills , went to hospital , peed blood, and had one traumatic thing after the next... which lead me being placed in limbo with the gender treatment.  When things got right there was some progress, but somehow with the political cuts, it has slowed down and I still don't know when the surgery would be done.

I have come a long away from how down I was since then, and I have improved, but I am more sensitive and try to take extra precaution to avoid a situation, knowing my PTSD would fuck things up very easily., and my personally shits and changes like the tides. Having Nariahn, my cat has been a great help as well, and including moving across the road and upstairs where days I would rather suffer from back pains going up the stairs, than having people bang on my windows, staring in my windows, or trying to force open the windows, while I am inside.

Well here has been a withdrawal of most of my doctors, but what has made me uncertain was hearing s being discharged from my CPN nurse. She has helped me with day to day things, and still was trying to set up a shower in the bathroom, because I find it difficult and painful to bath, and I can never get my hair cleaned properly. Also she has been a help to try and link communication between my GP and the gender doctor , in trying to get things working for me again. If it was not for my CPN, I would not be having appointments, also having her has also prevented my medical records from being hacked into and edited by the private corporations who wish to take over the NHS such as Capita, Serco , G4S etc...

Fortunately The Art Studio had seen the decline and relapse  and would be helping me with this before it would get worse...

At the moment I am feeling drained,  nauseous, stunned and could not careless to stop for traffic when crossing the road...

Update and A few thoughts

Anyway I am sharing a few thoughts, yes I am going on holiday. My thoughts is about people. I simply don’t understand them, and why they would make an issue on the basis that I am different than the norm n many cases. To be honest what I have been through in the past, I find it very difficult to get on with people… It confuses me that they at first claim to be friends and then leave, in social media the same shit. Subscrive/Follow, and then unsubscribe/unfollow for no particular reason.

For some unknown reason they expect me to visit them all the time (IRL people), but they never show up at my place. WTF are they afraid that they would be trapped in my alien lair or something ? The same thing with my relatives here. They always expected me to visit, but they never , not once even visited my place for a cup of tea. This why I am just fed up with people. Been ostracised for being different, bullied at school, banned from websites, the list goes on. Even the way I feel about people , and the fear of being hurt , I have developed the point not to get to close or develop a friendship on fear of being hurt and rejected. The more I feel upset about life in general , the more I shy away from people, in fear that what I may speak out my mind something  might come out the wrong way. 

Then there is the belief bit, because I do not believe in a god aka atheist, and understand it does not exist from analysing life , events details, evidence , including extraterrestrial sources…. the whole reality of it all is that god is a made up delusion invented by people , because they dismissed the questions , and thrown them into the god box. Then this gets exploited by the religio political elite to control people as commodities. I don’t know, living on this planet is one fucking nightmare. 

Then whats is worse when I openly share my experiences, and what I understand about life the universe and everything…. I simply know, because I felt, touched , seen and something that is physically real, such as someone from another solar system. Then also looking and understanding and thinking about things, rather than blindly accepting something….. they get classified as “my beliefs” wtf… they are not my beliefs, because the idea of faith is not involved, I did not accepted just because blah blah blah. I simply know and understand because of what I have experience , and what I can relate to with comparing similar real things. Its like trying to tell someone in the middle ages that the planet is a sphere and not  flat like a piece of cardboard.  

Thats my rant for the moment, and I am better at doing what I do best , that is working on my art …. if people don’t love me, I am sure some people love and appreciate my work, not all unfortunately because life is shit and it isn’t a bed of roses and neither its a utopia like the majority of the galaxy… basically planet earth is nothing but a shithole created by assholes, where it could have been a utopia. I simply wish my life was not so shit and a fucking failure…. having to try and live through the bullshit people done to me since the time I had been mutilated a month after I had been born….. then people religious , judicial or political, throw obstacles and hurdles , to prevent me from getting almost close as fixing things… Austerity, NHS cuts, Street Preachers annoying me, Muslim men intimidating me and the list goes on…

If I was left alone , maybe things would have been better… 
I know for sure I would have been happier , because my body would not feel vandalised, exploited  because people believed god exists ,and what they did to me , made them right with god, by believing they fixing mess what the devil did with the fallen angels… yes they believe the extraterrestrials are fucking fallen angels… depressing when the same shit is flooding youtube…..

Leaving my parents did not escape me from the batshit …. its here there and everywhere….. and on youtube, just search extraterrestrials …. you see it, some of them go as far to believe airplanes and helicopters have pig demons.

Alien Xenomorph human sexy hybrid thing

Alien Xenomorph-human sexy hybrid thing, was going to include some face huggers, but just left it as it is. Alien is the type of beings/creatures/characters from the Alien Franchise, they are also called Xenomorphs and nicknamed "Bugs" as in "bug hunt" by military such as the colonial marines, and as serpents by the Predators in Aliens Vs predators probably because they have tails in all metamorphosis life cycles of this science fiction species, especially as the chest burster looks like an emerging snake or worm, but later becomes a Xenomorph .  Inspired doing this while playing Alien Isolation, a recent difficult survival - horror science fiction first person stealth game, where the objective is to dodge the Alien rather than a first person shooter like Colonial Marines or Aliens Vs Predators, and the sequal from Alien as Ripley's daughter, before Aliens(Alien 2, and Colonial Marines, which is a sequal to Alien 3 , where Ripley and Newt (rescued girl) crash land on a prison planet full of men).  In all Alien VS predators PC versions, you get to play as the Xenomorph, AVP 2 is the best because you get to play in the life cycle, from hatched face hugger , chest burster, and mosty a xenomorph into a new Queen. The recent AVP 3 the best character to play is the Predator, and lacks the design and feel from AVP2 in AVP3 as the Xenomorph "Number 6". I also have the android AVP version, which is played in a 3rd person mode, but you don't get to play as a human/marine. Game crashed in Jelly Bean version of Android, but when I updated to Kit-Kat , the game is stable.