Update: Things are not getting better

I just come back from the gender specialist, It does not look like I have any hope to have an operation and get on with my life and leave the past behind. The past seems to be haunting the future. As what I had feared will happen is happening. I hate it that I have this precognition, it makes me feel life is not worth living. At first I think its paranoia, and my mind is being negative, and imagining things that wont happen because they are too far fetched,  but when they eventually happen it is a shock, and there is no going back in time to fix and warn myself, that what I see is a real glimpse of the future. What has happened is they have collected a variety of excuses, changing my data, my medical history, and censoring it just so they can dismiss me to save money. This is my life here.. Why is fucking money important than me ? My parents covered up that they got a doctor to surgery on me a month month after I was born for 29 fucking years. Now someone is trying to cover-up this forced surgery , changing my data and blood results and saying it never happened... to save money ? to save fucking money instead of my life ? To make me live through hell until WW3 starts ? I am on the verge of killing myself... enough is enough.. being concerned about my cat is what made me not do it today... I hate living on this planet