Official Blog of neat completed artwork, before going onto the official website : http://www.zanaelf.org and my updates, WIPs, thoughts and ideas and music at http://zwitterelf.tumblr.com/
digital painting I done in with (Manga Studio, Photoshop in OSX) and Corel Photo Paint and Apophysis(fractals) in windows. Koeksieters are a A South African desert, and the position these characters are in, intertwined looks like the desert delicacy. Where dough, that has been braided like hair is cooked in cane sugar syrup.
Also it is twisted like a 3 strand DNA, which reminds me of one of QKumba Zoo my favorite South African artists of the 90s. Good Gosh the 90s were the best. I cant seem to find the music video anymore on youtube.. which had the Avatar Trailer with the song. Sad when things disappear of the internet. It was even hosted via their offcial site. I cant seem to find the actual Music video for this song... its like it does not exist anymore. :(
I could only find a remix which sounds more housey, and it personally does not sound as good as the original being more happy-trancy-dancy , like Child Inside. I have asked them on Sound Cloud to post the original on Sound Cloud, I hope it is their official Sound Cloud account. They used to be full of happy electronic sounds that helped me with my depression when I sued to live in South Africa on the radio, especially when I was lying in hospital with a broken back.... Now their songs are sad like the dying Earth, as it moves closer to my worst nightmare, WW3.
Anyway I had arranged the characters in the intertwined trib that reminds me of koeksisters, in a sort of tree like structure part of their spaceship, which spirals like a like the magnetic fields of planets and stars, blackholes and much more ... the the keys to space travel. The cyclicness and spin of all things.
fuck patents, they are holding the planet's progress back.
Today I am feeling really down, especially when I heard that through government cuts to the NHS, they are starting to shut down the gender clinics, for transgenders and intersexed people. Since the Conservative government came in, there has been a reduction of medical help towards gender variant peoples. Where in cases where surgery would improve the wellbeing of people, especially intersexed people like myself who had forced surgery against our will or even knowledge, and only later in life we get to discover these things.
I dont know if NHS staff in the gender specialisation clinic have been told to procrastinate with their patients and use any stupid excuse to delay or even trash surgery, and also using the mental health deterioration on top of childhood PTSD due to rejection and lack of support from the delays to further back up delays, and burdans to eventually trash surgery, with the assumption, where the “patient is to unstable to undergo surgery”. Failing to understand or even recognise that the cause of the mental health problems is caused by not having the surgery. I myself had a traumatic childhood, where i always knew something was different about me, and only later get to discover the truth, but like where I was rejected by my parents, hoping I have now moved on from them to focus on having surgery to choose the gender that I associate myself more with, which would help me tackle my PTSD, traumas and other mental health problems that have evolved from this.
I feel sick, angry , crazy mad that the government would cut any opportunity to patch up my life and get on with it, after having experienced a traumatic , it feels like I am confronting my parents again, but this time it is the people that are medically equipped to help me. I suspect that the NHS does not seem to have much say , and are in fact manipulated to cut the help and trash my life, because this fucked up UK government of stupid fuckwombles, fuckmuppets and shitgibbons thing money is more important that my life, they think nuclear weapons, Trident is more important than my life. they believe war and WW3 is more important than my life. I am so angry that if ever they should close the clinic in New Castle, I am really tempted to go to number 10 downsing street and spraypaint my thoughts all over that house, and if the police should ever touch me, I would slit my throat in public as a protest. Money is more important than my life, money is more important than the future in their eyes, as they voted for Trident
What has aggravated matters more, is that on top of grieving about this fucked up government has done to my future, where I dont see any hope where I would be capable of ever loving myself… A friend told me “ I must learn love myself” But wheat the friend fails to understand, is the forced surgery that was done to me, thus ruining my life for the rest of my life. Saying that I must learn to love myself, is like saying to a bird, that it must learn to fly that has had its wings chopped off. People dont fucking understand. The Medical people don’t fucking understand. I precogged this will happen with this fucked up government, pleading with them to get on with my operation, knowing that my mental health issues would improve after it is done… they did not see, they did not understand. This was like two or more fucking years ago, I cant remember, This was part of my reoccurring nightmares, which now have Nuclear war is the most predominant thing in them. Now in my next appointment… “I would be saying, I told you so, you donty listen, because you believe bullshit instead of choosing to understand and help me !!!!”
What has aggravated me more besides being slumped out of hope because of the cuts to the NHS, and the closing of gender clinics, the fucking shitgibbons themselves, GHCQ asshats try and hack into my twitter account. What the fuck for ? why fucking hack into my motherfucking twitter account ? I dont get it,. I was given the alert through little snitch… so they could not get through with that, they then tried to hack my fucking iCloud … what the fuck ? because Apple has good encryption, they feel they can try access my Appleshit buy dumping some fucking code in my cache to pretend they are Apple asking for my iCloud password with a prompt when I am already fucking logged in ? (This is what the dialogue box looked like… and I was already logged into my iCloud, i was to hyped to take my own screenshot.)…
you think I am that fucking stupid you fucked up stupid warmongering warshit government ? Or was it because I said on twitter that the BBC iPlayer TV would be monitored by GPS software within the App and not a stupid fucking detector Van for people watching a fucking BBBC video player app without a TV licence. Whatever it is… what part of leave me the fuck alone do you not understand? What part of “No More War” do you not understand ? seriously the cuts to the NHS gender services…. I have the choice to do someting like vanadlise the prime ministers home, or kill myself… because I have no fucking life , i dont living on this planet… these stupid people think money is real, they believe money to be alive,…. reality check… natural resources is not money, it is what the planet provides, and you dont know how to fucking share and live with your neighbours on this planet.
An extraterrestrial, in her small spaceship who is part of the people who bioengineered life on this planet is holding her head down in sadness as Earth humanity start bombing each other in a WW3. She is wondering if the creation of human species is a failure as the bombs go off, as she drops the model/toy/ Earth squeeze ball, with her cat coming up to her sensing she is distressed, including the robot trying to say that she can start all over again or pick up survivors of earth people who refused to be part of this madness. referenced from my 3D manipulation work : http://extraterrestrialarts.deviantart.com/art/What-Did-We-Bio-engineer-597501771 I have also done a video describing it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LL4Wig9GSh0 Then also the music: http://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/693555
