Today I am feeling really down, especially when I heard that through government cuts to the NHS, they are starting to shut down the gender clinics, for transgenders and intersexed people. Since the Conservative government came in, there has been a reduction of medical help towards gender variant peoples. Where in cases where surgery would improve the wellbeing of people, especially intersexed people like myself who had forced surgery against our will or even knowledge, and only later in life we get to discover these things.
I dont know if NHS staff in the gender specialisation clinic have been told to procrastinate with their patients and use any stupid excuse to delay or even trash surgery, and also using the mental health deterioration on top of childhood PTSD due to rejection and lack of support from the delays to further back up delays, and burdans to eventually trash surgery, with the assumption, where the “patient is to unstable to undergo surgery”. Failing to understand or even recognise that the cause of the mental health problems is caused by not having the surgery. I myself had a traumatic childhood, where i always knew something was different about me, and only later get to discover the truth, but like where I was rejected by my parents, hoping I have now moved on from them to focus on having surgery to choose the gender that I associate myself more with, which would help me tackle my PTSD, traumas and other mental health problems that have evolved from this.
I feel sick, angry , crazy mad that the government would cut any opportunity to patch up my life and get on with it, after having experienced a traumatic , it feels like I am confronting my parents again, but this time it is the people that are medically equipped to help me. I suspect that the NHS does not seem to have much say , and are in fact manipulated to cut the help and trash my life, because this fucked up UK government of stupid fuckwombles, fuckmuppets and shitgibbons thing money is more important that my life, they think nuclear weapons, Trident is more important than my life. they believe war and WW3 is more important than my life. I am so angry that if ever they should close the clinic in New Castle, I am really tempted to go to number 10 downsing street and spraypaint my thoughts all over that house, and if the police should ever touch me, I would slit my throat in public as a protest. Money is more important than my life, money is more important than the future in their eyes, as they voted for Trident
What has aggravated matters more, is that on top of grieving about this fucked up government has done to my future, where I dont see any hope where I would be capable of ever loving myself… A friend told me “ I must learn love myself” But wheat the friend fails to understand, is the forced surgery that was done to me, thus ruining my life for the rest of my life. Saying that I must learn to love myself, is like saying to a bird, that it must learn to fly that has had its wings chopped off. People dont fucking understand. The Medical people don’t fucking understand. I precogged this will happen with this fucked up government, pleading with them to get on with my operation, knowing that my mental health issues would improve after it is done… they did not see, they did not understand. This was like two or more fucking years ago, I cant remember, This was part of my reoccurring nightmares, which now have Nuclear war is the most predominant thing in them. Now in my next appointment… “I would be saying, I told you so, you donty listen, because you believe bullshit instead of choosing to understand and help me !!!!”
What has aggravated me more besides being slumped out of hope because of the cuts to the NHS, and the closing of gender clinics, the fucking shitgibbons themselves, GHCQ asshats try and hack into my twitter account. What the fuck for ? why fucking hack into my motherfucking twitter account ? I dont get it,. I was given the alert through little snitch… so they could not get through with that, they then tried to hack my fucking iCloud … what the fuck ? because Apple has good encryption, they feel they can try access my Appleshit buy dumping some fucking code in my cache to pretend they are Apple asking for my iCloud password with a prompt when I am already fucking logged in ? (This is what the dialogue box looked like… and I was already logged into my iCloud, i was to hyped to take my own screenshot.)…
you think I am that fucking stupid you fucked up stupid warmongering warshit government ? Or was it because I said on twitter that the BBC iPlayer TV would be monitored by GPS software within the App and not a stupid fucking detector Van for people watching a fucking BBBC video player app without a TV licence. Whatever it is… what part of leave me the fuck alone do you not understand? What part of “No More War” do you not understand ? seriously the cuts to the NHS gender services…. I have the choice to do someting like vanadlise the prime ministers home, or kill myself… because I have no fucking life , i dont living on this planet… these stupid people think money is real, they believe money to be alive,…. reality check… natural resources is not money, it is what the planet provides, and you dont know how to fucking share and live with your neighbours on this planet.
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