I have decided to do this brief blog, to explain myself why these things have effected my life, how they have caused PTSD and how I react to people, when people don't understand what I am trying to say. I am going to keep this simple into the point and avoid it becoming a biography or essay, in other words TL;DR.There is a lot more , but i just select events that i can remember.
1) Money.
I dislike money and how the planet made this virtual commodity more important than life itself, the resources the planet provides , and the ecology of the planet. I had been born with both genders, had forced surgery done to me to the gender at the wishes of my parents. When i told them I wish to be the opposite to the gender of their wish, they declined on the basis of religious beliefs and the cost of having it done. When I was raped at a night club in South Africa , I went t hospital. They do not have an NHS like in UK, they have medical insurance like the USA, but call it Medical Aid. I had to call my parents who lived in another town 100kms away, so they could get the medical insurance monies sorted, and took over an hour before getting treatment, and be seen by a nurse before even thinking about getting treatment by a doctor later on in the evening. While I was waiting, people injured from street violence, muggings etc with stab wounds and gashes were waiting in the area. Because South Africa had high poverty, not many can afford medical aid/insurance. They had to produce cash or credit cards. Even so those who were mugged victims may have lost cash/credit cards in the violent incidence. They were told to wait for paying patients to get treated first , and if no more patents that had cash/credit cards/medical aid/insurance, they get treatment. Obviously they had none of these. I saw them bleed to death while I was waiting to get treatment for my rape. Their dead bodies were dragged out to the morgue. Now I am in the UK, and on the NHS, was moving forward, Now with government does cuts to NHS, I have been put aside and given excuses and have been delaying the operation, because the government believes saving money for UK's military , is more important than my life, and the lives of others.
2) Religion
As you know as above I had been born with both genders. The reason why forced surgery was done on me was because of the belief of my parents. They believed the devil caused this, and they were correcting God's creation. Throughout my childhood, I had been bombard with indoctrination about the christianity, and been through several cults and versions of it, when my parents moved from one church to another. I had been forced into a Christian school , where indoctrination did not end at home. First day at the school I got punished, by being beaten by the school staff and headmaster because I asked to many questions and did not conform. I am glad i did my thinking and analysing, and with the help of being visited by an extraterrestrial third parent I broke free from these beliefs. I would have ended up like my brother who now is a teacher of one of these schools. Though knowing what I learned from the extraterrestrial, made life more understandable and easier in some ways, but harder when when having to confront conformity everyday. My parents would often try get pastors and ministers to perform exorcisms on me, this has caused a lot of my mental problems and how I relate to people.
3) Violence.
I have encountered a lot of violence, especially in the form of punishment when I did not comply to the religious beliefs of my parents and primary school, and even the church I had been forced to attend. I had experienced violence at high-school which was not part of this christian school thing, but was a normal school. I encountered violence because of being different in many ways, with the obvious being my intersexed issues. I was seen as alien. The violence was bullying, being beaten up, and forced into smoking cigarettes, which was the alternative to being beaten up, At university , one night when accessing the computers(laptops were expensive, and tablets, smart phones did not exist at the time). I was stabbed in the leg for what little money I had, cheap mobile phone brick, and a pack of floppy disks, in a woollen pouch made by my only friend at the time who understood me on campus, where we used to meet and feed the stray cats in the evening. I had been threatened to be have being shot, because my student residence window faced an alleyway where mini bus taxi diver drug dealers, parked and cleaned their AK-47 rifles. , because their money earned by drugs was more important than my life. I told them i don't see anything., they left me alone with their threats. When riding my bike through town one night. There was a shooting between rival taxi gangs. I happened to be pass through at the wrong time, and they started firing their AK-47s at me for no reason. The bullets missed me, perhaps it is because they were too high.
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